The world was shocked back in 2008 when Jennifer Hudson’s mother Darnell, brother Jason and nephew Julian were brutally murdered. Now, Jennifer Hudson is finally speaking out about the tragedy.

During her VH1’s “Behind the Music: Jennifer Hudson,” she opened up by saying,

“It’s all a blur, it was surreal. It was like I was outside of myself. For almost two weeks straight . . . [I was] inside one room with just family and friends coming in and out. I prayed when I’d get up in the morning and prayed before I laid down at night.”

Of her 2009 Grammy performance of “You Pulled Me Through,” Jennifer said, “I was definitely thinking of my family when I was singing that song. I could hear my brother in my head, like, ‘Jennifer, you need to kill this, you need to get up and do it.’ I knew he would be disappointed if I didn’t do it justice.”

Today, “I feel like I’ve lived about three or four different lives,” she says, adding that her 11-month-old son David (with her fiancé David Otunga) has helped her heal.

Little David, “reminds me of my nephew,” says Hudson, and he also helps her remember her mother. “In so many ways I channel her because she was such a great mom.”

Her son, she adds, “makes me feel like the most special person on earth. I want him to get the same love and the same upbringing my mother gave us.”
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