For some reason Tom Cruise decided to show up on the cover of Esquire for their “how to be a man” issue. I’m not sure why they chose Cruise and that has to be the most feminine cover you could possibly shoot.

“If anyone was teasing my sisters, I really felt it… I’d create different characters and ad-lib sketches to make my sisters and my mother feel better. I’d try to make them laugh. I’d do Donald Duck as John Wayne. I’d watch Soul Train and imitate the dancers. I guess you can say that’s where it started. I always had a dream to be in movies, [my family] didn’t say, That’s impossible. They laughed.”

“Now, I’d ridden bikes a lot. When I was a kid, I’d set up ramps for jumps, like Evel Knievel, and crash all the time. I’d done it all — but never on a minibike. I got on. Of course, all I wanted to do was go fast, so I hit the throttle. I started off by a neighbor’s yard, went past our yard, which had a little hump, and suddenly I was airborne… Rrrrrrrrrrr! The minibike is still going. Oh, no, I’m alive… Okay, I’m alive. The minibike was wedged between the bumpers of the two cars. What a lesson: Know before you go. [You don't] have to curb your enthusiasm. Just fill it in with a little knowledge.”

Hmmm, so this article is supposed to make us believe that you actually have sex with women?

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