Tammy Etheridge says she was “sideswiped and left mangled” and “up to my eyes in toilet training toddlers” after her split from Melissa Etheridge, her partner of nine years.

Melissa has called their April breakup “mutual and amicable,” but actress Tammy bitterly disagrees. On Thursday, she wrote on her blog against her ex and the way she’s portrayed the split in recent interviews.

“Please stop telling the press it was mutual, things can be a long time coming to one and smash the hell out of another, hit and run/not even staying to clean up the mess.”

Melissa, 45, and Tammy, 35, exchanged marital vows in September 2003; three years later, Tammy gave birth to their twins Miller and Rose using the sperm of an anonymous donor.

Tammy suggests that Melissa was secretive about her plans to leave:

“secrets, with-holding, whispering to all but the one whom holds the vows/and the toddlers…never interested in clarifying, making sense, making it right/even finishing the fight. i’d rather hear 10,000 fans/screaming my name in worship/than hear my wife harp on me about my family intimacy issues too, you know?”

She also says that the singer was a no-show for important family occasions.

“my birthday rolled around, the holidays…./and me and the twins sat right there waiting…/we didn’t go anywhere. we just sat and waited and waited and waited and waited…..I still love that woman so damn much, I’m still trying to stop.”